Window to the Soul

The dust of my soul are the remnants of pain and the stories untold. In the wind I am carried effortlessly like flower petals in spring. I ride on ten thousand golden chariots and make my ascension; the moon and the planets are my neighbors. In my song there is a sweet fragrance akin to vast fields of white gardenias. My piercing cries are like that of an eagle; I soar above the clouds and view my life’s movie from the heavens. That boy, oh that young boy with a caramel glow, eyes wide and bright who befriended the crow. He suffered, yes he suffered indeed, and the world didn’t know. At the grave site when they lowered her, tears fell from my young face, but when I got older I found there was no more embrace. Oh wondrous mother, look upon your son and see the agony of his days, for the men mercilessly kill and the women’s hearts are cold and no longer filled with grace. I have had many lovers in whom I sought shelter, but my own naivety betrayed me, yet the desires of my heart still slay me.

My redemption has been written in the dark ink of the dried blood of my ancestors turmoil. In tears they were shackled and forcefully made to lie in their own filth; packed side by side in agony they died and were brought over on ships. Enslaved and oppressed they were  mercilessly beaten with whips. The blood that ran down their bodies now runs through me; a child of pain, I arrived through the sweat and screams of my mother’s agony; her long hair and hazel eyes a wonder of beauty. I stare into the mirror, and still the eyes of that child that hoped for more stare back at me. He doesn’t say anything, but he knows what I’m thinking. His expressions of sadness and lament move me to want to comfort him, but I cannot, for I am him. Every now and then he sees me and smiles. He dwells among the stars and is a god in my mind. 

Eyes that Hide

Torment and agony are the portion of the afflicted.
Behind the eyes is where it lives.
A smile can be deceiving, for even in the warmth 
Of good company she is naked in cold winter winds.
Words sometimes cannot be used to express true feelings.
In whispered utter these are the only words she could muster:
If I may seem distant my love, know that it is not you.
When asked how she was, she said, 
I’m fine, knowing it was not true.
Ideations of not being here cause her to rush to another room
To weep, wash her face and hide the tears.
Are friends really friends when the burden can’t be shared?
She is loving and considerate, and their feelings she would spare.
But it is when feelings are held in that the wounds are deeper,
And the tears, and the agony, and the wailing.
Even if heaven knows her cries, still, inside she dies …
Unknowingly they take of her, and take of her again.
In their euphoria the essence of her they freely spend.
Beneath the surface she craves light and healing;
In her breath, her preciousness, her torment, her pain
Her aspirations, and the agony of her life are so revealing.
With wondrous eyes she is beautiful and sparkling, 
But Look past her countenance and deep into her soul to see her suffering.
Her childhood you would witness; the pain of abuse;
The hell of silent agony and constant misuse.
As I stare into her eyes she nods and greets me with a smile;
In knowing the essence of her, I embrace her, gently kiss her, and cry.

The Musings of the Beloved

How can I ever repay you? Your spirit is a deep well of refreshing water. I draw from you. I drink of your essence, and I am resurrected and replenished. My heart belongs to you. I am dedicated to you. You have become a part of me through and through. But my heart, Are beautiful words and writings alone all you can render? Did she not bring you back to life in the middle of the night? Did she not save you from certain desolation in the tormented bowels of isolation? What then do I render? I give my life, all my heart, and all that is within my spirit. The tears of Aphrodite that fell on Adonis’ body are in the same vein of my feelings for you. The gods see your beauty and are envious. Zeus turns his face in angered lust. Selene catches a smiling glimpse of Perseus. Poseidon is stirred and causes the valleys to flood. Your hair is akin to golden waterfalls. The shape of your eyes like almonds. Oh heaven, I count myself among the stars to have received such a precious gift. Your glistening skin under a full moon is like the beauty of a hundred thousand golden harps played by the heavenly angels in eternal light. The delicateness of your aura I will protect with my life. Like a master wine taster I inhale your aroma, and your sweet taste I savor. You are the diamond everyone could not see; you are finely polished and you shine in your beauty. Your cut, color, and clarity are the embodiment of  a goddess. In your heart and in your contour you are flawless.

The Ethereal Chronology

The angels cry tears of joy over fuchsia skies
Galaxies come together in endless time
The wailing of doves trying to ascend
Past earth’s atmosphere pierces the heavens
A full moon reflects the sun’s light in awesome wonder
The bonds of fear and sorrow are torn asunder
A new song is sung where the eagles gather
The bears come out of hibernation
To witness the redemption of a nation
Children marvel at their new white wings
And eagerly take their ascension
The dark crows gather together on wires in unison caw
Ravens clean their dark feathers and curiously look on
Lost loves find each other and instantly new life is born
Polaris generously gives of her light
The earth is beautiful under the brightness of the starlight
Aphrodite kisses Adonis and weeps in agony
Hades summons Persephone and shakes the underworld
A sword and shield of solid gold
Graces the adornment of the archangel Michael 
The earth spins on it’s axis and repeats the same cycle 
The other planets envy the Earth’s bounty
Mercury whispers to Venus in jealousy

Their Solemn Cry

If I am lost, find me;
If I am misguided, tell me;
If I stumble on my path, walk with me;
If I wallow in self doubt, encourage me;
If I am fearful, embolden me;
If I have been led astray, lead me;
If I have been dispossessed, restore me;
If I am in need, render to me;
If I cry uncontrollably, comfort me;
If I am misunderstood, lend an ear to me;
If I am depressed, uplift me;
If I suffer from anxiety, please understand me;
If I struggle with OCD, do not repudiate me;
If I battle PTSD, do not abandon me;
If I say I hate myself, tell me you love me;
If I show my vulnerability, don’t hurt me;

If I am near the edge, just talk to me;
If I am cold, wrap your arms around me;
If I lash out, please know it’s not the real me;
If I say I am sorry, please forgive me;
If you’re thinking about leaving,
Please don’t leave me.

I Burn

At night a jealous tide rises.
Looking at old pictures my mind drifts.
A flood of torment then comes 
In the form of ‘what-ifs.’
In the arms of another she now abides;
Memories hearken back to that
Loving gleam in her beautiful eyes.
My spirit must be tempered,
But my heart tells me otherwise.
Many lovers have come and gone,
So why for her does my soul still yearn?
The mysteries of love are far too
Complex for one to learn.
In the interim between rue
And finding love again, I burn.

Burn

The Final Unmasking

In unison they all removed their masks slowly
Free from the bonds of society;
En masse they took to the streets
With uncontrollable laughing, wailing and incessant screams,
Realizing uninhibited dreams to find their release;
With the hideous scars of long hidden suffering unveiled,
Pain was revealed in its rawest form;
Their faces streaming with tears, scarred and worn;
In the light, one by one they came forth, and they were beautiful. 
They were so beautiful.

face

On that Day

Life’s poignancy is steeped in stark reality.
To keep our sanity we shield our eyes from the underbelly.
When we cry alone, on pillows, tears are dried;
We sleep, we awake, and then again we cry.
Season after season in listless state we lie.
Born of our mother’s womb, but alone we die.
In a quest to find happiness it is hard we try;
A stranger’s face feigns happiness, but inside she dies.
On the day of that dawn, oh that beautiful dawn,
We no longer will sigh; we no longer will cry.
Until it arrives, yes until it arrives,
We await or salvation with tears in our eyes.