A Letter To Myself

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Victor,

You’ve survived death. You survived the treachery of so called family. You will rise up on the wings of the archangels and see your mother’s eyes again. You will not be deterred from, or neglected happiness for any reason, for anything, or for anyone. On the ship of life you are your own captain; the seas will not always be like glass or welcoming. You will face adversity; you will face hostility; You will be required to navigate treacherous waters and come out alive. No one is responsible for you, but you. No one will throw you a lifeline if you are drowning—you must adapt and swim. It is okay to forgive the abandonment of your father, but never be like him. Cowardice is not tolerated. It is courage that runs in your blood. Your mother looks down on you and kisses her son.

Be mindful that you are now a leader, and must lead in strength and righteous judgement. You are stronger than ever before and you will not falter. The events that happened in your childhood will not haunt you; intrusive thoughts will not bother you. People of the world are easily lead astray, so when they walk the broad road, you walk the other way. In matters of love: love with reckless abandon, giving all of yourself at the risk of being hurt or betrayed. A woman among women will see your true emotions and love you more for showing your vulnerability; it will not be considered a weakness.

Furthermore, be selective in your choosing, and diligent in your approach. Be a man among men and stand on your rectitude, even when it is not popular and the masses are against you. Do not let any particular emotion control you. You are a man of deep love and a critical thinker. You carry the banner for your aunt Julia, your mother Viveca, and your grandmother, Alvara. Everyday is a new day; be thankful for what you have and be considerate and respectful of others. Always render respect first, until the person proves themselves to be underserving of respect. Never give in. Never relent. If the world turns its back on you, always know there is at least one that will always love you, and she lives in you until you see her again.

For Breonna

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From brown eyes spilled tears, and in the blood that ran, was love, courage, hope, anger, passion and the sorrow of many years. In the throes of death, what words are spoken in the last moments of breath? The last tears that fall are the essence of the preciousness of her soul. Heaven knows the injustice that will follow; heaven knows that the words from the executioners foul breath will ring hollow. The slaying of black innocence is rarely recompensed. An accounting for the shedding of blood is seldom witnessed. What then of the heavens? Do we not fervently cry out for vengeance? Do we not cast ourselves on the alter of justice and weep in sincerity and reverence? They feign solidarity with us, yet within the blinking of an eye they would unjustly kill us; their words are meaningless and their souls, dark and cancerous. Behold, the face of the slain. Let us look upon the countenance of an angel one last time and kiss her, before the world uses her name in vain, and with prejudiced disdain, dismiss her. Her memory now lives in us, and we are its keeper; we will not relent. We will not falter. Her soul dwells in celestial light forever, and with a crown of rose gold adorned with white diamonds, she smiles in her beauty and walks the vast halls of her fathers.

Love Envy

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My own thoughts slay me.
The torment of the lonely
Are long past memories.
On the other side of the mirror I drown,
But they can’t see me.
The black pitch consumes
Everything in totality.
When love left me
The fallacy of normality
Was shattered utterly;
A couple walk by in the rain
And kiss passionately …
I stare keenly;
Suddenly, I am overcome with envy.