No Reprieve

I wonder who holds you. I wonder who whispers words of love to you that move your heart and cause tears of joy to flow as the sun shines on you through curtains that strong winds blow. I wonder if he gently moves strands of your long curly hair from your face before he kisses you when you are sleeping. I wonder if he holds you in his embrace when you are dreaming. I wonder if you comfort him in unending affection when the tears of sorrow are streaming. My contemplation torments me mercilessly, and I find myself wanting to be him. I wonder if he reaches for you with the depths of his soul even when you are in his presence. I wonder if he thoroughly intimately pleases you, reaching the sweet depths of your essence. I wonder if he bathes you in bath oils in a setting with candles, beautiful music, and aromatherapy. Last night, I dreamt that you were lying next to me. Does my heart burn with longing or with the insanity of uncontrolled jealousy? Why do my thoughts torment me, saying to me unceasingly that it should have been me? I look at the man in the mirror and tell him straightforwardly of his stark reality. I would rather live in desolation than in a perpetual unattainable fantasy. In my mind, I kiss her one last time and let her go peacefully — but still, she is there in every breath I breathe. I try and try again to stem my longing, but my heart finds no reprieve. Without her, I want to breathe but my heart and soul find no reprieve. From my own desires, again and again I leave, but still, there is no reprieve.

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