The Lonely Hours

He reaches for her, but she is not there. Her scent still lingers in the place she slept. Strands of her hair are found on pillows. Again he reaches for her, but she is gone, never to return. In the late hours he sheds tears. Sleep has not been a friend to him. Peace has left him. Happiness has eluded him for two winters now. He is lost in the innermost workings of his mind. Hopelessness rushes in like water from a broken dam. Even though he puts up a strong barrier, it presses against the door. Waiting to invade his thoughts. Waiting to wreak its havoc.

He can withstand it for a time, but only for a time. Maybe he will make it through winter; maybe he will see the bloom of spring, and feel the warmth of summer. Still it waits, bearing down its full force upon his will, taunting him, laughing at him. He misses her; he misses her so much. Tears flow once again at the thought of her memory; her soft touch. He is tired. He is so tired. His movements are slow, and his will is weak. His barrier cracks and splinters.

Hopelessness seeps through. It is followed by loneliness. Depression makes its entrance. Following closely behind are fear and anger. They slowly wind and make their way through his system like poisonous molasses choking his life force and corrupting his once endless energy. A beautiful garden is turned into an unsightly bed of weeds, and waterfalls are dried up. Ripe fruit is turned rotten and given to the worm. He is tormented day and night. He seeks rest like a wild scavenger seeks food, but there is none to be found.

Darkness surrounds him and misery peers through his window to bear witness to his demise, but he remembers her warmth, and their time together. He remembers her laughter and her joy; he vividly sees her face and the light of her life shines brightly in his being. The movie of her love and life play in his mind, and he is strengthened. Her glowing face is amplified in his thoughts and his joy comes back to him. Fear and anger dissipate. Depression is trampled. Hopelessness is utterly rooted out and destroyed. Only loneliness abides. He misses her.

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