She cries for him. The deep lacerations on his back make it hard for him to work, and he is in severe pain. He must carry on or risk even more torture and suffering. He dreams of the day that he can be free, a day when all suffering and pain will cease and his people will no longer be under the hand of the oppressor. He looks over to her and the pain in their eyes communicate their thoughts. He loves her and she loves him, even though they are in bondage, somehow the beauty in their hearts persevere. The love between them is made even stronger with every crack of the whip, with every atrocity, with every abuse, with every unspeakable act, their love, their bond, is made stronger. They find comfort and love in each other. They find hope and resolve in each others dreams. Tattered clothes, scraps of food, not enough to eat, they sit by a warm fire and embrace each other. She holds on to him tight, with somber eyes that carry a deep pain and tell the story of what once was, and what is. Eyes that can only be read by her people; a people who’s story is the same and who’s hopes and dreams are the same. He kisses her and begins to sing the songs of his fathers. She joins in and they sing in harmony together, they remember their homeland, their royalty and their tradition, and they hold on to it, and it is carried in their hearts. He is a strong man, big in stature, with the heart of a lion. She is a strong woman, a nurse to her man and many more. A comforter, a soft touch, a beautiful rose in the wilderness, an oasis in the desert. In their worst suffering they vow to die together and to be eternally inseparable. Even when she is raped by the oppressor, she may let out tears, but her resolve is not shaken. Her heart and mind belong to her one true love. She will not be moved and she will not be broken. Her mind drifts to a place of peace, the land of her ancestors, and once again she is able to bear it. Once again she joins her true love in their small structure and they are quiet, for he knows her pain and the ordeals of the day and silence is all he can give. She sees his pain and anger, his eyes red with both fury and hurt, and she is strong enough to carry it. She places her arms around his shoulders and comforts him; he slowly places his strong arm, around her waist and brings her in closer to him. They both stare out of their small window and into the dark night; the moon and the stars brightly lit, she looks into his eyes and all emotion is communicated. He holds her even more tightly and says a silent prayer from the depths of his soul. He kisses her on the crown of her head and the love he has for her is immeasurable. They refuse to give up, they refuse to be broken. One day freedom will come, either in this life or the next.
You betrayed me. I loved you and you betrayed me. You said you cared for me, but you didn’t. Your love was not true. It was not real. I saw the signs but chose to ignore them; the writing was on the wall but I refused to accept what I already knew. My soul, my inner being, everything in me wanted to trust you; I needed to believe you loved me, but I had to face it. I relented, but the truth refused to leave me Truth stared me in the face when I saw clearly and without any doubt, that not only, had you not loved me, but even more so, you turned on me, you tried to hurt me. I gave of myself to you, I didn’t have much, but I gave you what I had. I gave you love, I gave you affection, I gave you understanding. Some questions still have to be asked, so I ask: Why did you turn on me? Was it the love I gave you? Was it the money I sent you? Was it the understanding I had for you? Was it the affection I showed you? Was it the feelings I poured out to you? Was it the flowers I brought home for you? Was it the belief I had in you? Was it the nights you cried and I consoled you? Was it the confidence I instilled in you? Was it the beauty I saw in you? Was it the way I cared for you?
Deep feelings inside me. Thoughts of the future and distant thoughts of the past. My reality, my hopes and dreams, my doubts and fears. I’ve drawn water from the deepest well in my heart and I’ve discovered that there is so much more to me that has yet to be revealed and manifested to the world; a paragon of inner strength, a brilliance, an endurance, a spiritual connection to those that have suffered, and to those who have experienced great pain in their lives. As I write this piece, I reflect on my life experiences, and I think about the many people in the world who have never tapped into their inner self and have been able to survive but never attain the higher heights and deeper depths of themselves and of who they really are. The beloved ones who have struggled their whole life in every facet of their existence, and are beautiful, brilliant, strong and wonderful, but are misunderstood and marginalized by society. It hurts me, it hurts me thinking about the tears they cry inside. The tears that are not seen physically, the pain they carry with them, the years of disappointment, the mental scarring and the turmoil. The heaviness of heart. I cry for that lonely and misunderstood child, for that woman who wanted to be loved, but was only used for her body, and for that man who lost his way and thought his escape was through drugs and addiction. Are most of us living under perpetually dark skies? Is this really life? I contemplate these questions, and my thoughts become somewhat clouded. I know as human beings we have a certain resilience and a hardwired instinct of self-preservation. On the other hand I live in the real world and I cannot overlook what my eyes see and my ears hear in regards to the pain and turmoil of those not able to navigate the many pitfalls and stumbling blocks of this thing we call life. This journey we all embark on when we are born. What is the true meaning of life and living? I guess it’s kind of an open ended question, but I ask nonetheless. I hold onto the hope that one day we all will be happy, and that we all will find fulfillment in our lives in a place where all tears will be wiped away, where there is no sorrow, no anger or stress, sickness or pain. Only love and healing. Peace and joy.